Invite - Horropedia

Horropedia: Oh, hey!
Horropedia: Isn't that our defeated great villain? What an honor to meet you! Are you also looking for food in this shabby canteen?
Jessica: It's you? Vertin told me about you. You're also studying here, right?
Horropedia: Of course. We all "study" here until we give them the answers they want in the exams.
Horropedia: Good thing is I'm a master of those exams, but you ...
Horropedia: Seriously, what's wrong with you?! Can't believe you were actually persuaded to surrender as the great villain! All the other villains are ashamed of you! You made a box office bomb!
Jessica: I'm not sure what you're talking about.
Horropedia: But I didn't expect you here ...
Horropedia: Wait ... Here! Oh no no no ... SHOOT!
Horropedia: You're being re-educated here, which means ... Damn! If they manage to modify you, this movie will become one of the worst works of all time!
Jessica: You're weird.
Jessica: You have no friends to talk to, either? Well, it's still nice to talk to yourself. It helps kill time! I often do that.
Horropedia: Alright, I do have few friends ... But I-I'm not talking to myself!
Horropedia: Anyway, Jessica, this is between you and me. How far do you think you have mastered the knowledge they taught you here?
Jessica: What knowledge? I don't know.
Horropedia: Alright, I'm gonna ask you a few questions. Just answer them ...

Horropedia: Hey, here.
Jessica: Why are you hiding behind the statue?
Horropedia: Tell me why you are standing there without cover first, big girl! Now crouch ... Oh wait, you can't do that right now.
Horropedia: Anyway, stay down. Come over here!
Horropedia: Look at this, soda. It's hard to get one of these here. Now take a sip, as the first step to trying out new things.
Jessica: Ouch! It's biting me ... my tongue.
Horropedia: No, no, no. Don't throw it away! It's precious! You can't imagine how much effort I made to bring it through the security check at the gate!
Horropedia: But um ... I never thought you'd actually come.
Jessica: You told me to.
Horropedia: Great! Thank goodness you're willing to listen to me. This bomb has got a silver lining.
Jessica: What? So, what are you trying to tell me?
Horropedia: Ways to skip classes, of course! Don't you find those lectures very annoying?
Jessica: Yeah they are. I usually ignore them.
Horropedia: So you have even gone THIS far without the master's teaching. That's my little genius! I hereby declare the first class over. Now cheers!
Jessica: ...
Horropedia: Don't give me that face. You may not get to have it next time.
Jessica: ...
Jessica: Ouch! It bit me again!

Horropedia: Today we're going to start the course officially.
Jessica: Uh-huh.
Horropedia: On ... HOW TO CREATE THE GREATEST VILLAIN!
Jessica: Uh-huh.
Horropedia: First of all, what is a villain?
Jessica: Uh-huh.
Horropedia: ...
Horropedia: I see how you dealt with the lectures.
He sighs helplessly and tries to go on.
Horropedia: Rule No. 1: never surrender, which means to never do anything like you did to Vertin.
Horropedia: I have to admit she's quite the persuader, good at convincing people, but you're the greatest villain in the story. You can't just listen to some crap and buy it ...
Horropedia: Hey ... Save the last sip for me.
Jessica: gulps
Horropedia: ... Save the last sip for me.
Jessica: No.
Horropedia: You weren't even a fan last time! More than half a can was poured on that stupid bush!
Jessica: Now I am.
Horropedia: ...
Horropedia: Ah, fine. I'll accept this one. A villain who is also a fan of soda, kinda unique. That's gonna make our story more interesting.
Horropedia: Anyway, Rule No. 2 ...
Jessica: What's this?
Horropedia: Hey, hands off! It's my gun.
Jessica: What's a gun?
Horropedia: A gun is a sophisticated machine with a carefully designed structure. It's dangerous, which makes it a good weapon for villains.
Jessica: I AM the villain. Can I use it?
Horropedia: Thank goodness! I never thought you would realize what a villain should do at this point! Now take it but keep your finger off the trigger and listen to me carefully. Rule No. 2 is ...
Horropedia: Oh my! Stop drinking!! Gosh! It's completely empty!

Horropedia: Glug... Ahh! Nice!
Jessica: Glug ... Hah!
Horropedia: See, this gun doesn't use normal bullets, but special ones.
Jessica: Ahem, is it made with slime mold?
Horropedia: No no, no no no, slime mold can never work as well as it does.
Horropedia: It's made with the cobweb of a sand spider, which has excellent adhesion and endurance.
Jessica: What about this? It's greasy, and smells good!
Horropedia: Nuts, I stole them from the canteen. Go slow with them.
Horropedia: Let's continue. See, mix the two of them, and dry up the mixture ...
Horropedia: Wait till it gets a crust ...
Horropedia: Woo-hoo!
Horropedia: Perfect! It works so well!
Horropedia: It took me a really long time to invent this formula.
Jessica: Oh.
Horropedia: ...
Horropedia: Did we forget our purpose?
Jessica: What purpose?
Horropedia: Hmm, having no purpose is also a kind of purpose, huh? Nah, forget it.
Beep: Stu...student ... Je...Jessica...
The barely fixed speaker is still trying to fulfill its duty, making protesting noises at the rule-breaking duo.
Horropedia: Humph, damn. We're spotted. Run!

Horropedia: Alright, we don't have much time, because I've passed the exam and am about to go.
Horropedia: Since we have done nothing significant, we should try doing some. C'mon.