Approximately three hours prior.
Panzo: This past month, we've hit up three gas stations, five convenience stores, and that one karaoke joint.
Panzo: Add on a few rear-end collisions and that fireworks show we performed at that last station.
A flurry of sign language gestures ensues.
Panzo: Yeah, yeah, I know.
The person in the passenger seat appears annoyed, shifting his feet on the dashboard and re-crossing them.
Panzo: It's not time yet, my silent friend. This small-time stuff is just to keep us fed.
Panzo: The big fish we've been waiting for is about to get released, AJ.
AJ starts signing again.
Panzo: Oh, for god's sake, quit whining. The info I got says today's the day. Fingers is getting out.
Panzo: Since their boss went down, Fingers is the only one who's got the lowdown on MacGuffin.
Panzo: After he's cut loose then we've gotta be on his tail. No matter what it takes, we're getting the scoop on MacGuffin.
AJ: ... <So this is why we've been baking in this broken-down car for three hours in over a hundred-degree weather?>
Panzo: Buddy, you've got a lifetime of wealth, freedom, and peace ahead. What's that against a few more hours in a beat-up car?
The smoke from the herbs rises gently, the candle flame sways, and Mercuria closes Fingers's eyes.
Mercuria: May your spirit rest in peace.
Mercuria shuts Fingers' eyes, and Panzo's narration draws to a close.
Panzo: That's the long and short of it.
ONiON: You tracked Fingers to this spot, all in the name of getting your hands on MacGuffin the Knife!
The journalist's voice filters through the communicator.
ONiON: But you made the mistake of thinking Pickles was MacGuffin the Knife, and in your panic, your guns went off!
Panzo: Yes.
ONiON: A textbook example of a killer's plight. One wrong move, and boom, there's a hole where a head used to be.
AJ: ... <We thought we'd be out of the game after this job.>
Silence and a quiet fear spread through the air.
Mercuria: You killed the wrong person.
Panzo: Nah, nah, nah, look. We'd been watching Fingers for some time, but we just didn't expect there to be another dog. Right, AJ?
Mercuria: You'll pay for this.
Panzo: Ha! Haha! Oooh, I'm shaking in my boots. Fine. Look, crazy girl, you win this time.
Panzo: But from what I saw, you were the one with the real pooch, right?
AJ: ...! Umm! Umm!
AJ, standing to one side, seems to have noticed something and signals Panzo to come over.
A beam of moonlight slips through the leaves, shining on Panzo's shocked face.
Panzo: Holy hell, MacGuffin the Knife is here after all.
All eyes finally land on MacGuffin the Knife.
This 6-inch tall, 4.75-pound Chihuahua trembles on the spot, looking at everyone with wide, innocent eyes.
Panzo: You sure this is the one? MacGuffin the Knife?
AJ: ... <Tch— it's definitely the same type of dog. The fur's the same, the ears curve the same, even the tear stains line up.>
Panzo and AJ exchange glances.
Panzo: Nah—how do we know its legit? We already iced someone just to get here. We need to make sure we're really getting what we came here for.
Mercuria says nothing, her grip tightening on the little dog's leash.
Panzo: Come on, you really want me to believe you'd just hand over MacGuffin the Knife like it was nothing?
Panzo: That seems like a bad deal to me.
Panzo and AJ draw their weapons, aiming them at Mercuria.
Panzo: So how are you gonna prove this dog's the real MacGuffin the Knife?
The gun's black muzzle stares at her, yet her gaze drifts upward, connecting with Panzo's eyes.
In the heat of this standoff, Fingers's overlooked lackey, standing to the side, finally breaks the silence.
Lackey: Th-That dog ... No doubt, it's MacGuffin the Knife ...
Lackey: Hey! Hey! Don't shoot. I'm telling the truth!
Lackey: Check behind its ear. There should be a little stud there.
Panzo crouches down and bends MacGuffin the Knife's ear.
Panzo: Well, I'll be damned. There's a stud, just like he said.
The earring-wearing Chihuahua stands proudly, as if aware of just how invaluable he really is.
MacGuffin the Knife: Aroof-arf! Arf, arf, arf!
Mercuria: I'm not fighting you for it.
Mercuria: If you knew my story, you'd know I've never had a stake in this.
Mercuria: They say MacGuffin the Knife's belly is full of Rheingold. Are you sure you know how to get it out?
Panzo and AJ exchange glances.
Panzo: Get it out?
AJ: ... <Get it out?>
Mercuria: Leave it in there, and it will forever remain just a dog, never becoming whatever it is you wish for.
Lackey: I ... I've got a plan ...
Lackey: At the end of the day, it's just a dog. We slice open its stomach and take the gold. That's the quickest way.
Panzo: Slice open its stomach?
AJ's expression shifts noticeably.
AJ: Mnn! Mnn, mnn! Mnn, mnn, mnn!
AJ steps back, signing angrily at everyone.
AJ: ...! Mnn, mnn!
Panzo: He says, hell no, not even if all the gold in the world was in there.
AJ throws the proposer the world's dirtiest gesture, seething with rage.
Mercuria: There is another option.
Panzo and AJ cast a suspicious look her way.
Mercuria: If you'll agree with it, naturally.
Panzo and AJ patiently walk back to Mercuria, their sleeves torn by MacGuffin the Knife, though they appear not to mind.
Mercuria: The Rheingold is contained within MacGuffin the Knife's stomach, compressed through the use of arcanum. The principle is similar to one of the Foundation's portable disks.
Mercuria: The truth is, this isn't particularly easy on the dog.
Mercuria: What we need here is some healing.
Panzo and AJ raise their heads to look at Mercuria.
Panzo: Hell, we've got ourselves a real, no-nonsense arcanist right here.
The Chihuahua is laid out on the ground on its belly. Mercuria lights some herbal incense, its smoke rising into the air.
Mercuria's fingertips glow as she softly massages the Chihuahua's belly.
Mercuria: This will stimulate its intestines, speeding up its movements.
Mercuria helps the Chihuahua flip onto its other side and uses a pendulum to trace a circle on its back.
Mercuria: This way, the foreign object will be passed naturally, and the process will be completely painless.
After a long wait, the Chihuahua quivers, and everyone leans in close.
Panzo: ...
AJ: ...
Pickles: ...
ONiON: What's the scoop?! Who's gonna fill me in on what happened?!
Once the silence is broken, Mercuria begins to speak.
Mercuria: ONiON.
MacGuffin the Knife: Aroo ...
The Chihuahua lifts its head, staring at everyone with teary eyes. The onlookers gaze back at it with equal emotion.
Mercuria: What we have here is simply a very, very healthy pile of ... poop.
Silence spreads across the wooded grove. At the moment, the corpse lying to the side looks more alive than the onlookers.
Panzo: Impossible, try again. Maybe your arcane skill's the problem.
Mercuria: There is something else I can do.
Mercuria pulls another vial from her bag, one glowing with a clear, bright light.
Mercuria: I have here a brew made from various herbs; it may aid in the dissolution of the Rheingold.
She gently administers it to the Chihuahua.
A minute, two minutes, three minutes ... five minutes ... ten minutes.
As the Chihuahua quivers, the group once again gathers around for a closer inspection.
Panzo: What'd you see, AJ?
AJ: ...
Lackey: What if ... we feed it another dose of laxatives?
MacGuffin the Knife: Aroo ...
The Chihuahua's face turns pale. It lets out a few feeble whimpers, its eyes shifting across the faces of the others.
AJ: ...
AJ signs wildly, looking as though he is on the verge of tears.
Panzo: Quit making this damn dog suffer. Nothing's coming out.
Panzo: That's just what he said.
